Homegirl Quel (kel) in Austin

Wordless Wednesday: Austin Auto Show 2012

Girl, Did You See The Season Finale of Scandal on ABC?

We did! And we talked it out.

What did you think about the finale? What do you hope will happen next season? So many questions! 

Giveaway: Tom's of Maine and YoKids Strawberry Prize Pack

May is National Strawberry Month so YoKids is teaming up with Tom's of Maine on Strawberry flavored goodies! Starting May 21st, each tube of children's toothpaste purchased on their site will come with an on-pack coupon for $1 off YoKids Greek organic yogurt! You can also save 20% on your entire order with the coupon code: YOKIDS20! The Code expires on 6/4.

Enter to WIN a YoKids lunch sack filled with several Tom's of Maine & YoKids Goodies! 

About the contents:

One Tom's of Maine full 4.2oz tube of Silly Strawberry children's toothpaste: Their Fluoride-Free Toothpaste for Children uses calcium and silica to gently clean, and the delicious real fruit flavor appeals to your child's taste - not artificial sparkles and bubble gum flavors. Because it's fluoride free, you won't have to worry if more toothpaste ends up in your child's tummy than in the sink! Your kids will love the all-natural strawberry taste. You'll love that they're brushing each day with the only natural kids' fluoride toothpaste ADA accepted to help prevent cavities. 

The Strawberry Toothpaste is Homeboy Tested and Approved! Watch and hear what my four year old has to say about it...

Who is Rita Ora?

I like her. Apparently she's been around for a minute. I'm not hip, so maybe I'm a little late here. I first saw her name on some versus Rihanna thing a gossip blogger posted a few days ago. I googled her and found this video. Her vibe seems really positive and fun--like she's not trying to prove anything to anyone or be anything in particular. After watching this video, I think she's refreshing. 

Why do we love a good black deadbeat dad story?

 

I chose to put a positive image of black fatherhood in this post because there are far too many negative ones on display for my taste.

I'm sure there is more newsworthy happenings going on in the world today, but the hot topic on news radio this morning, and apparently online is the Memphis guy who pays child support for 29 or 30 kids, and is asking for a break. The self-satisfied, self-righteous tone I heard on the radio this morning of people calling in talking about their tax dollars, and single black moms, and welfare checks and the need for humans to be "fixed" like animals made me want to throw my radio across the room. Instead I just turned it off. Then I turned on my laptop and saw folks having a field day with this. It's disgusting.

 

Is this Memphis dude, the first, and only man in this situation, I doubt it. Is he the only black man in this situation? I doubt it. Why is this a headline? Why is it that the child support cases that make major news are attached to black men from the broke to the rich and famous? Black men are not the only ones having kids and not paying child support. We measure dads by how much they financially support their kids, so on paper--yes, it seems like low-income, black men have checked out. However, black men are more present in their children's lives in the long run than other races who don't live in the homes with their kids, they just have a difficult time making payments when the law is set up to strip them of licenses, for example, and with them their ability to even go out and find legal work. I know that was a run-on sentence, but this a a run-on kinda moment for me. I could link to sources to back that last statement up, but don't feel like it. I have run across some empirical essays on the topic--google it.  

The way people are enjoying ripping that Memphis guy apart as well as the mothers is just gross. I'm not saying they have made awesome life decisions. Obviously, they have not. It's just gross the way people use this story as an opportunity to dog black folks, and feel validated for believing every negative stereotype there is about us.

Urban Prep Acadamies should be major national and international news every year. Any school that has a 100% graduation and 100% college acceptance rate in consecutive years should. Except that every one of those students is a black man, and as a society, we prefer to put the failures of black men on display rather than their successes, which allows the idea that an upstanding black man is an exception to the rule, to flourish. 

Is it a coincidence that news casting us in a negative light headlines every major and minor outlet, and yet our positive news doesn't make beyond black news media sources?

Girl, Did You See Scandal?

Here is the latest episode of Girl, Did You See! We watched the first season of Scandal on ABC, and these are our Five Favorite Things about this show. 

Did you watch? What did you think about the show?

Wordless Wednesday: His First & Last Bite of A Cheese Sandwich

Beyoncé: "Resentment" Live At Wynn Las Vegas

B Day is my jam from beginning to end--the whole album period. 

I love it when Beyoncé goes Diana Ross in her concerts--having a conversation with the audience and finding an intimate spot to sing in. She's such a classy broad. And so beautiful. And all I know is she betta sang this song. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Me: "Thank you for making me a mom."

My son: "Mom! I'm not God, or Jesus. I didn't me me, God did, so you should thank him and Jesus."

"Mom, I want to keep my shirt open, I look like a hip hop dancer!"

Mom Fail: I Fed My Son Food He Is Allergic To

My son is allergic to everything. Except fruit, vegetables, meat and rice. He has the protein allergy that causes him to be allergic to all nuts, dairy, eggs, seafood and soy. So he's never had a sandwich. I hadn't found a bread or bread mix that were free of everything until yesterday. After reading all the boxes of bread mixes on the shelf to make sure they were allergen free, I chose one. When we got home, I mixed it using rice milk where the recipe called for cows milk and apple sauce and baking powder where it called for eggs (1 egg= 1/4 cup applesauce + 1/2 tsp baking powder). The bread turned out perfectly. When it cooled, I sliced it and put it in the freezer per the instructions, but I kept a few slices out for my son to eat when he woke up today. 

Isn't it perfect?!

 He was so excited to try his new bread--he had been asking for bread and cheese to eat like his friends at school. He and my husband took their first bites and there were happy dances and a mini celebration that Zee could finally eat sandwiches now. My husband asked me if I was sure it was allergen free and I recounted my thorough package-reading at the store while reaching for the box. It was then that I realized I had bought the wrong box. That mix had whey in it--a milk protein. 

While I was reading in bold print "Contains Milk", my son had already fallen in love with the slice of bread in his hand and exclaimed, while giggling, "I'm eating my special bread like the big boys at school." *sigh* I had a choice to make. His allergy to milk is second to the bottom of the list in terms of the reaction we could expect. I had to decide if I wanted to send him to school upset and deflated just to save his skin, or allow him to bask in the joy of his new-found big-boy-food-eatingness that he couldn't wait to show to his teacher and friends at lunchtime, and deal with the inevitable eczema flare-up over the weekend. I chose the latter. Then I beelined to Whole Foods after dropping him off at school and he will have a new loaf of "special bread" (and vegan cheese slices that will cause him no harm) when he gets home from school. 

He will have a glorious day at school and an itchy weekend, but it will have been worth it. The Applegate hot dog era may be coming to an end soon, as the cheese sandwich will soon rule his lunchbox. 

Here's the new bread mix and cheese that I found for him...

Black Stay-At-Home Moms, Welfare, Public Perception & The Media

Me with my son in 2010.

I wasn't going to write about this for two reasons: 1. I 'd be too emotional about it since it is my life--as you'll see in one of the articles I will link to below--I can't look back too fondly on my entry into this life. It was a disheartening experience that I went through with the support of my sister and one of my best friends. It took the wind out of my sails and dashed the dream I had about what being a stay-at-home mom would be like. As a result, most of my stay-at-home-mom friends don't live in my neighborhood--and that's okay. And 2. Other writers, like the ones I will link to below are way more informed and well-versed on the topics, have done a great job of making lots of points that I agree with, and are probably way smarter than me. 

What I will say though, is that I have seen some other sites pick these articles up and some of the comments there and on Facebook make it very clear that some people see the title of the pieces, get angry at seeing the word " black", and don't read it before sharing their opinions. One person asked, how are black-stay-at home moms any different from other stay-at-home mom. The answer is that our existence isn't accepted as easily as that of white stay-at-home moms and we constantly have to justify our existence and explain our choices. Historically, black mothers have moved from working side-by-side with their men in the fields, to working alone taking care of the homes and families of white women, to gaining access to education and working in other careers. Historically, black mothers work. This stay-at-home mom business is seen as a "white woman thing". In Lashaun Williams' post on The L Factor, she explains,

"The female experience has differed for white women in this country, as they have historically been expected to simply look pretty, stay home and have babies. While they felt trapped in a sea of domestication, black mothers longed to devote more time to their own children."  

One comment I saw online said that a black stay-at-home mom is called a welfare mom. It is so sad how in political, and lets face it, plain terms "stay-at-home mom" connotes white, married moms who live in the suburbs and "welfare moms", black, single moms living in the hood. I can't even start on the unfair stereotypes assigned to black single moms vs white single moms, but rest assured I'm annoyed by that too. 

I blame the media. Yep, I said it. Why else would the prevailing opinions about welfare recipients be so completely unaffected by the actual facts?

• Public Perceptions: Most welfare moms are black. Mostly black people benefit from welfare and food stamps. 
• Fact: Nine(9) percent of food stamp recipients are black — and 84 percent are white. 
• Fact: Nationally, 39 percent of welfare recipients are white, 37 percent are black.

My Son Plans To "Get A Mommy"

From the back seat of our car, he says to me:

"Mommy? When I'm a big dad like Dada, I'm going to get a mommy like Dada got you. And I'm going to name her Honey like Dada named you. And I'm going to get a Ford. And if you're still a mommy, then you can drive a Toyota, okay?"

Children are like sugar. Just making things sweet for no good reason. 

Make A Statement Without Ever Saying A Word

When it comes to clothes, I generally keep it way low-key. I'm an Austinite--I live in jeans, tees, Chucks or flip flops depending on the weather. But when it comes to accessories, I keep an eye out for cute pieces. Jewelry should be special, even if it's plain. For example, instead of plain gold hoops or studs, try hammer-textured ones! Accessories don't have to be excessive to be impressive. Look how easily several of the looks in this post work with the simplest everyday look.

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Whether you like to go flashy or keep it understated, I bet you'll see something here (or in the collections online) that is perfect for you...or someone you love. I had too much fun yesterday putting together my favorite Stella & Dot looks to share with you guys. I'm so excited to be a Stella & Dot Sylist! Here are 10 of my favorite looks:

Who Needs Paper Plates When You Can Have Palm!

Kwai Home is a company that my sister told me about. It's owned by a friend of a friend...ahem...black-owned...and it's awesome! 

Kwai products are simple, elegant, and sustainably made. 100% natural and fully compostable, the plates are crafted from areca palm fronds without any adhesives or additives. Each plate bears the unique imprint of the leaf from which it was made. By choosing Kwai products you support socially and ecologically sustainable business practices and enjoy beautiful, functional tableware that is perfect for any occasion.

 

Photo from Kwaihome.com

 

 

I Heart Christina Perri

The first time I heard her song, "Jar of Hearts",  was on Glee, when Rachel sang it at prom to Finn. I remember thinking how perfect the song was for them and how much I love how the Glee kids over-sing dramatic songs with their faces. They open their mouths as wide as possible and keep the most distressed look in their eyes. I love it. 

After that, I heard it on the radio and it plays almost every time I'm in my car. So often, in fact, that my four year old knows and loves the whole song. I live...live... to hear him sing the chrous of that song. 

Today, for the first time, I googled the video to see what it was like and have fallen in love with this girl. Christina Perri.

I watched lots of videos on her youtube page and am an instant huge fan! I love her hair, her tattoos, her voice. The video for "A Thousand Years " makes me almost want to see the Bella and Edward vampire movies. I have an iTunes gift card that I've had since last fall. I'm totally buying Chrstina Perri's music. 

Yoda and Kobe and My Son's Good Day

My son loves Yoda—the Jedi Master from Star Wars. He has never seen Star Wars, but loves to read books about R2D2 and C3PO's adventures. My son also loves Kobe Bryant—that shooting guard for the Lakers? The fact that I'm even interested in who these people are is solely due to my proximity to a husband and a son. I actually watch Laker games and am excited about planning my son's first viewing of the original Star Wars movie this summer. This is officially The Summer of Star Wars, and there will be a party. 

Since my son turned four a couple of months ago, he has replaced his usual, "I can do it by myself" with "I can't do it." I cringe inside every time I hear it because that is SO not what we're going for over here. So we began to  encourage him to always try to do everything he thinks he can't do until he perfects it.  We're all about practice, practice, practice, perfect.  

After a while, he stopped saying, "I can't do it" and adopted a new phrase, "I can/will try." The problem with that is he thinks that as long as he tries or commits to trying, his  work is done. We noticed that every morning he'd say, "I'll try to be a good listener today" or "I'll try to be quiet at nap time" or "I'll try to clean up my toys"—each time failing to actually do them. Each time there are consequences. We tried telling him that God and Jesus and Mom and Dad are happy when he does well. We remind him of how good he feels when he behaves well, but his behavior hasn't gotten significantly better. Today, we brought out the big guns, hoping Yoda and Kobe would be as effective as Santa had been around Christmastime. 

This morning, when discussing Zack's plans for school, I overheard him say what he would try his best to do. My husband told him that trying was not enough, and asked him to rephrase his plans…

Dad: So tell me again, what are you going to do today?

Zack: I will try my best to be a good listener when my teacher is talking. I will try my best be quiet and rest at nap time. I will try my best be kind to my friends.

Dad: Son, do know what Yoda says? He says, "Do or do not. There is no try".

Zack: He does? He's the best Jedi in the whole world! 

Dad: That's right, so remember there is no "try", only "do".  

I took Dad's lead and added that Kobe says, "Just Do It". I know that's Nike's tag line, but Kobe must have actually said the words at some point, yes? 

So anyway,  when we got to school and I was getting him out of his seat, I asked Zack to tell me again what his plans were for the day…

Zack: Well? I will try my best to be…(mumbles to himself) no…wait-wait…Yoda…Kobe…(returns to his regular speaking voice) I will be kind to my friends and listen to my teacher and be quiet at nap time and rest on my mat. 

Me: Sounds like a plan! 

Zack: And then my teachers will be happy. And you and daddy…and me and God and Kobe and Jesus and even Yoda will be happy. 

Me: Yep. 

Today, he broke his red note streak and actually made Teacher's Choice! I'm totally not a fan of the rainbow behavior system—red is the worst. We're trying out a different school--almost one month now, and I'm missing the Montessori school he stared out in for many reasons, the sticker-to-be-good system is one of them—but still glad he actually had a good-behavior day today.

Big-ups to Yoda and Kobe. I need my son to hurry up and internalize this good-behavior thing because after God, Jesus, Mom, Dad, Himself, Kobe and Yoda, who is there? If I'm left to follow his lead, there is Chris Brown, Micheal Jackson, Justin Beiber and Will.I.Am. He worships their dance moves, but I cannot possibly bring them into any discussion about how he should behave. I've heard that boys really mature a lot between the ages of four and five. Time will tell. 

Mother's Day Is Coming! Treat Your Mother Like A Lady.

Introducing my latest side-gig. I'm a Stella & Dot Distributor now. Don't go to Macy's for the pieces every other woman in town will own. When you want jewelry that will make a statement, please think of my little shop first. 

Thank you!

Don't Feed The Bad Wolf

I'm not sure how much I believe this was an actual tale told by an old Native American, but it's useful to have his voice in my head while reading it. 

Read the fable here. 

Happy Monday! 

Wordless Wednesday...with words. My Baby Can Read!

Zack just turned four last month, which totally throws off my life plan of having a three-year-old reader, but I am thrilled that he is actually reading now! I've been relentless from the beginning with pointing out words and letters everywhere and reading to him throughout everyday, not just at bedtime. I resisted the urge to order My Baby Can Read, because I knew wanted a child who could truly comprehend what he was reading. It's happening!

I highly recommend Bob Books--sold everywhere, especially if your kiddo has phonics down.

Even if they don't have phonics yet, each book introduces one to three letter sounds and repeats primarily those sounds throughout each book. In subsequent books where new letter sounds are introduced, the old ones show up--so each book builds on the one before. Bob has a Phonics series too.

My son was reading these books within days of receiving them. 

I was all...

And...

He was in his room sleeping and I was sleeping in mine yesterday afternoon. He came in and woke me up talmbout he want to read his Bob Books. I hit record on the iPhone...right after an interrupted nap...so pardon my sharpness. lol 

Happy Reading Y'all! 

Good Feeling

A while ago, this song showed up on my Spotify list. I would skip it when I saw the graphic, because I saw the name Flo Rida, knew it was rap, and wasn't in the mood for rap. 

Recently, the hook has been playing on some commercial. I can't recall the commercial because my husband is the one in our house who actually watches television in real time and sits through commercials. Usually when he's watching TV, I'm not. So I don't know what the commercial is, but I have been walking around singing it non-stop for days. 

I decided to google it to hear the whole song and I love it. It almost makes me want to google to see what other songs Flo Rida sings. It's a kinda bizarre video, because he looks so tough, but is doing corny stuff. Anywho, I'm loving the hook and the uplifting and, let's face it, quite manic lyrics. They make me smile. 

Happy Monday!

Kiddie Acres Amusement Park, Austin, TX

My guy is having the best Spring Break Ever. After story time at Book People this morning, I tagged along with a friend of mine to Kiddie Acres. I hadn't heard of the place before then. At first sight, it looks like a traveling kid-sized carnival. Lucky for us, they're not traveling--they've been in Austin over thirty years and aren't going anywhere anytime soon. It's small, which is perfect for kids and parents looking for an amusement park experience minus the park maps and long lines. The rides are perfectly old and simple. There's a train that circles the park, mini- golf and pony rides! Zack rode a pony twice today, and I have yet to ride one. His life is already exponentially more fun than mine was at the age of four. But isn't that how it's supposed to be?

What kind of Spring Break fun are you and your kiddos getting into?

What Sucks About Trying To Conceive

When we decided to start having kids, we had a plan: I would quit working, have a baby every 1.5 years over the course of six years, get the last one into preschool, and head back into a nine to five. We started out ok. I had a kid, quit work, dedicated all my time to teaching my son words, colors and phonics by the time he was 18 months old and into preschool he went. We were three months off, from making baby number two, but that was ok. Then I settled into being a stay at home mom of a kid who was in school a few hours a day, and didn't want to interrupt this new life of socializing and doing community service projects with Mocha Moms, going to the gym every day and basically, doing whatever I wanted with the extra time I had. I made lots of friends, experimented with recipes and several attempts at being a perfect housewife--you know, having dinner ready when my husband got home, always having clean, folded laundry in place, keeping a tidy home. Did I mention they were all failed attempts? We settled into life with one awesome kid and somehow four years have passed. 

So we hash another plan: I'd get pregnant in December a few months after my thirty-fourth birthday. Nope. So we'd try again in January. Nope. So we'd try in February. Nope. Obviously, our reproductive parts aren't cooperating with our plans. Which sucks. We have talked to friends who have been trying more than a year...multiple friends...which also sucks. It's supposed to be easier than this. The first time I got pregnant, I didn't even think I could do it without drugs. I had just filled prescriptions for Clomid and Progesterone, but was pregnant before I opened one bottle. Then I miscarried. Then I got pregnant three months later. So of course, I expect this next time around the be just as easy. I have decided to get pregnant again, and it's just supposed to happen.

I'm peeing on ovulation sticks 15 days out of the month, waiting for the one day I get the happy face--apparently the only consistently positive test I'm going to see during this process. All that waiting, and finally a happy face. Then comes the work-sex. Then more waiting. Then another stick, which seemingly can't wait to tell me bluntly that after all the planning and the tracking and the work-sex, that I am still "Not Pregnant". Whose idea was it anyway to put the actual words "Not Pregnant" on a pregnancy test? I bought the test so it could tell me I was pregnant. I know there are other tests out there, but I didn't want a line, or two lines, or a cross, I wanted to see the word "Pregnant". Where's the sympathy, Clear Blue Easy? Granted, some folks are happy to see the words "Not Pregnant", but couldn't the pregnancy test included in the box of ovulation tests at least say something more positive or encouraging? Obviously, people who are using ovulation sticks are hoping for a positive test. A lot of emotional energy is invested and a lot of work-sex happens en route to the pregnancy test in the box. "Better Luck Next Time", "Sorry!", "Try Again", "Keep Up The Good Work!"...all phrases that are a little less tear-inducing than "Not Pregnant". That's just mean. 

But I'm going to keep using the callus pregnancy tests. Because, when the time comes and all our work-sex pays off, I need to see the word. Pregnant. 

Confirmation

Every once in a while, it's nice to get a little feedback on one's job performance. As a stay at home mom, there are no employee reviews, bonus checks or raises to let me know whether I am on the ball or not.

However, my boss did check in with me yesterday. I had just finished helping him get dressed. He hugged me and this is what he said:

"Momma, you're my best girl. You're just the right mommy for me."

Overall Performance: Satisfactory

Happy Sunday

Just Felt This Flick: Red Tails

Let me get my one real criticism of this film out of the way. Ok. The romance. I didn't need any romance in this film. I would have been happy if the romance had been left out altogether and left for Spike Lee to handle in the prequel or Lee Daniels in the sequel. George Lucas was quoted in a NYT article saying the film's target audience was black teenagers--boys I'm sure. So for the one depiction of love in the movie being one airman's head-over-heels love for an unattractive Italian woman he could barely communicate with was awkward and out of place in the film, and off-putting to me. I just needed to see at least one of the airmen writing home to his sweet Odessa, or going on about how his Caroline smells just like sweet honeysuckle off the vine, or getting letters from Bessie and the kids back home, or tucking a picture of his mother into his vest pocket before leaving on a mission. SOMEthing.  If I was gonna see some love, particularly in a film like this one, I needed a black woman to be the recipient and/or giver of it. The closest thing we got to seeing black love was the one airman who took his picture of Black Jesus on every mission. I actually quite liked that relationship. 

Other than that, I enjoyed Red Tails. It was cheesy and corny and whatever other food-word that connotes being uncool. It was kind of awesome in that way. I totally agree with George Lucas' NYT interview when he says, "They have a right to have their history just like anybody else does. And they have a right to have it kind of Hollywood-ized and aggrandized and made corny and wonderful just like anybody else does. Even if that's not the fashion right now."  Among black films that have made it to the big screen with content quality ranging from the lows of Soul Plane to the heights of The Color Purple, there has to be room for black films with decent-quality content sprinkled with a little cornball. 

Red Tails has made about $48 million since the film opened last month. That's still $10 million shy of the film's budget, but not a bad showing for an all black, non-comedy. Plus, if I know George Lucas like I think I do, aside from a prequel and sequel, I'm sure there are action figures and video games in there somewhere. There is money to be made off this film yet.

No film starring mostly black people would have gotten a $58mil budget without having some historical significance. Hollywood and the mass consumers love a good black-struggle nostalgia film (see "The Color Purple" and "The Help"), but you'll never see a black "Garden State" (one of my favorite movies) because the masses don't care to see depictions of our ever day unless we're on "The Wire" or in a Tyler Perry film (but big ups to Tyler Perry's newest film Good Deeds in theaters Friday, which promises to have me eating my words here--we'll see). I'd love to see dark comedies and mellow dramas like "Young Adult" featuring all black actors on big screens, but as long as good black non-comedies trickle into theaters at barely a film-a-year pace, I rely on straight to DVD films for that. Unfortunately, people say "straight to DVD" like that's a bad thing, but there are many, very well-done low-budget black films that go straight to DVD. Perhaps, just as unfortunate, is the fact that in a post Tyler Perry America, where Hollywood likes a bankable formula, I'm afraid that "Red Tails", which was a good, but not great, movie won't open any floodgates of financial backers for good quality black stories. I hope I'm wrong. At any rate, hoorah and amen for a story about young black men who found pride in working towards and acheiving excellence. 

Oh, and y'all know I can't get through a review of a film featuring an all black male cast without objectifying those men by talking about the eye candy. Too much for a married lady like me to go into, but let me just say this...Ne-Yo has the most beautiful smile in Hollywood and the rainbow of young and older chocolatey goodness presented in Red Tails thoroughly satisfied my sweet tooth. David Oyelowo, oh my. 

Here are most of them in a really funny interview. I HEART Cuba Gooding, Jr. he's so funny. Enjoy!

Did I say David Oyelowo? Ok. Just checking.